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LIFE SKILLS FOR HEALTH AND WELL-BEING 

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Communication Skills

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Have you been in a situation where you felt you have not clearly expressed yourself or you were not heard, hence misunderstood? 💁 Not only you, many people often feel that way.  Knowing how to express yourself so that you are understood, and being able to understand what other people are trying to say are important skills. Your voice is your power and it’s not just about speaking; it’s about being heard and understood. 🗣

What is Communication?

Communication can be defined as the giving and receiving of a message, information or idea in such a way that it is understood by both parties. Communication involves more than one person, it is a process that involves the sender, the receiver, the message, the feedback and the channel/medium of communication.

There are two major types of communication

  1. Non-verbal communication: is a type of communication that does not involve the use of words e.g. use of gestures, facial expressions, dressing, body language and posture, silence etc.
  2. Verbal communication: is a type of communication that involves the use of spoken or written words. It can be used in formal or informal settings.

Why is communication important?

  1. It makes you express yourself
  2. It helps you resolve conflicts respectfully and without violence
  3. It helps you feel good about yourself and your relationships
  4. It helps you develop relationships that are based on shared understanding and satisfaction.

Tips to Develop Better Communication

Communication is a skill you will need throughout life. Also remember that there are periods when you will also need to communicate in your local language. When those moments occur, the same tips shared below can also be used.

  1. Be Clear and Confident: Speak up clearly. It’s okay to say, “I don’t understand,” or “Can you explain more?”
  2. Listen Actively👂: Communication is a two-way street. Listen to others as much as you talk. That’s where you pick up things to also reply with. Don’t be caught in thinking of what to say next. It will naturally come. You can practise this.
  3. Use ‘I’ Statements: “I feel” or “I think” helps express your perspective without blame or judgement. “I believe, I suggest, I will…” are examples of expressions you can also use.
  4. Do not be in a hurry to speak. Sometimes you also need to share the space and time with others.
  5. Arrange what you want to say in your mind. It’s stronger when you say I want to say two things. It means after you say the first one, people are expecting the second and are eager to listen to you.
  6. Maintain eye contact 👁. Do not look away when talking to someone. Look them in the eyes and make your point.
  7. Be respectful even in communication. You can disagree without being rude.
  8. Don’t interrupt. No one likes being interrupted including you, so the next time you’re communicating, resist the urge to interrupt the other person
  9. Use positive body language. Let the person speaking know you are listening through your positive body language, such as nodding, and using appropriate facial expressions.
  10. Be Bold And Direct. You need to be direct in your communication so that your message will be very clear to the listener. Being direct and assertive however is not the same as being manipulative or aggressive.

Learning to effectively communicate and discuss with others issues especially around family life and sexuality helps you to be safe and healthy, and will help you form healthy intimate relationships later in life.

Wondering where to practise communication, then try the mirror!

Refusal Skills – Saying No! 🙅

These are the skills you use for your personal defence. They help you stand on firm decisions about your body and your life, it also helps you to avoid risky situations.

Tips for Using Refusal Skills

  1. Be Direct: A simple “No, thanks” or “I’m not comfortable with that” is powerful. Very powerful! Say it confidently and also communicate it with your body language.
  2. Offer Alternatives: If you’re not down for something, suggest something else: “Let’s go out instead.”
  3. Practice Saying No: It might feel different at first, but practising helps. Try it with a mirror, with a friend, or in role-play.
  4. You can give a reason: You can provide a reason for saying ‘No’ so that your friends understand why you are making a decision of that type. Let them also know you do not plan to change your mind.

Remember it is not easy to refuse something. It is however important to learn how to say No to some things. At first, it may seem odd but with time you will grow comfortable and your personal values will also be known to your friends and even your families.

How to Say No in an Uncomfortable Situation

If you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation such as someone soliciting for sex or other risky behaviours, apply the following tips:

  1. S (SAY no, in an assertive way)
  2. W (Explain WHY – your feelings or values)
  3. A (Provide ALTERNATIVES, if you want to)
  4. T (TALK it out honestly).

Negotiation Skills

Negotiation is an interactive process between two or more people that involves addressing an issue or solving problems creatively in a way that both parties find acceptable.

Negotiation is important to help all parties involved achieve peaceful compromises, protect limits, cooperate meaningfully, build empathy and achieve their goals. The time taken for a negotiation process depends on the issue and the circumstances around it.

It is about finding the sweet spot where everyone feels okay with the result of the decision. To have an effective negotiation;

  1. Know What You Want: Understand your boundaries and no-go-areas before you enter a discussion.
  2. Hear the Other Side: Sometimes the other person has valid points too. Listen to them.
  3. Find Common Ground: Look for solutions that work for both sides. It’s not about winning; it’s about respect and understanding. Bargain and reach agreements.
  4. Do not flaunt your win: Let the other person(s) also know they won some ground.

Benefits of Negotiation

  1. It helps you face complicated situations with more confidence.
  2. It helps you protect your limits; including limits in romantic relationships, which may protect you from unwanted sex, HIV and other STIs, and unintended pregnancy.
  3. It builds your empathy, which is necessary for good relationships.
  4. It helps people to cooperate in satisfying ways. 🤝
  5. It helps you reduce your risk of being taken advantage of, including in romantic relationships and sexual situations.

How to Become a Better Negotiator

Like playing football or learning reigning dance, these skills get better with practice.

  • Role-Playing: Act out scenarios with friends or mentors to practise your responses.
  • Educational Programs: Join clubs, programs or attend activities that focus on life skills and comprehensive sexuality education.
  • Seek Advice: Talk to trusted adults — parents, teachers, or counsellors — who can offer guidance.

While the aim of negotiation is to arrive at a compromise acceptable to both parties, if you ever find yourself in an unsafe situation at any point, the most important thing is to remove yourself from the situation quickly and safely. You can however use negotiation skills to get out of the situation. When physical force or threats are involved, please report to an appropriate authority.

Sometimes, there can be an imbalance or inequality of power or status between people involved in a negotiation. Factors such as difference in age or social status, position and authority of the other party either as peers, family members or even strangers can make it more challenging to negotiate. However, if you are aware of these differences, you are better able to prepare and speak up for yourself.

For example, there can be a difference in age or social status among peers. One person may have less self-confidence than the other, or one of the parties in a negotiation may hold a position of authority in the family. These factors can make it more difficult to negotiate. However, if you are aware of these challenges, you are better able to prepare for them and to speak up for yourself. Remember, you have the right to speak your mind.

Remember, in the story of your life, you are the director. You are the only one who can say ‘cut’ in a loud voice!  Use your communication, refusal, and negotiation skills to create the narrative you want to live.

Glossary words and their meanings

  1. Compromise: a mutual agreement or settlement of an issue such that everyone involved is satisfied.
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